Only a Monster

Ok I’ll admit it,
I’m scared as hell.
And my fear turns to anger
And anger to yells.
That’s why I am pointing
This gun in your face
That’s why I am shouting
Full of shame and disgrace.
Could I show you the place
That turned me into a monster?
I bet if you saw it
You’d understand why
I react the way I do.
I bet you’d understand
Why I had to become so
Hard and dark and lifeless
Inside
Just to survive another
Horrific night
I bet if you saw what I was like
As a toddler
You’d see that I was silly
And sweet and that I
Loved my father
But that love let me down
No, it even betrayed me.
So now the shell you see
Is what’s left of the me
That was torn into pieces
And stomped on
And hit
And hurt so badly
That what I went through is
Beyond any semblance of understanding
To the people who now see me
As only a
Monster.