I'm a mom

I'm a mom,
But I still feel like a child
Who's waiting for her Daddy
To come home.
I feel like I tried to fly
Out of the nest
Before I'm able to
Take care of myself.
Who said I was ready
For all this?
I didn't.
Who said I could handle
All this?
I don't think I did...
My boys might be better off
With someone else to guide them
But they lost that chance
When they were placed in my arms.
And so I'll have to do.
At the end of the day,
I'm not sure what I'm even
Supposed to be able to
Give to them.
I am not their Provider.
I am not their Guide.
I am not their Wisdom.
I am not their Everything.
There is only One who can
Be all those things to them
And more.
I am just a temporary substitute
And
The one who
Earned the right to bring them
Into this world
When I opened my whole heart,
Timidly, bravely,
To love.
I guess what got me here
Is what will get me through.
As long as I can keep being
As brave as I was when they were
Conceived,
Allowing myself to be held
And to be loved
Fully,
Even when I don't
Deserve it,
Then I will have real love -
Overflowing from my heart -
To give them.