New Years Day: Jesus, the Only Way

What does it look like to live authentically in the here and now? To not live apologizing for the past or making promises for the future, but just to be who I am right now - no filters or masquerades?

I feel like so much of my life is spent trying to make up for lost time, or trying to keep time from slipping through my fingers... living in light of regrets, past, present, and future... trying to overcome them all at the same time...

Keeping my ducks in a row is an impossible task I'm finding... Just when I think I've gotten one to sit still and stand at attention, the rest have gone off and started a wrestling match in the corner... But I still keep trying, in an act of insanity, to do the same thing over and over again with the same results.

I fear failure. It is one of my biggest enemies and I fight against it like a drowning man to stay afloat... Those motivational quotes that say that failure is the best teacher still hasn't convinced me...

Trying to be God is hard work...

Trying to prove myself is hard work...

Trying to overcome my own humanity is hard work...

I keep resolving to fix myself and keep coming up very, very short...

I have a pile of grand goals on my night stand - self improvement books, prayer journals, unfinished to do lists, and half started ideas all lying there like monuments to my vast insufficiency...

I de-clutter that space every now and again, reminding myself that all those books - all those journals - aren't going to fill the void inside me... But before I can blink an eye, they are back with seven more to boot.

I have tried emptying myself of all my self improvement tendencies without every refilling myself with the Truth. And that is why, after I sweep and clean this empty house and survey the sparkling sight with pride and delight, I am horrified to once again see those horrible lies return with a vengence that I didn't expect...

I need to be filled with the knowledge of my Savior again...

I need to be filled with the Light of Grace and Peace and Joy...

I need to be filled with Abundant Hope in the Mystery of the Masterpiece Maker who is making me and fashioning me still...

I need to feed myself daily, hourly, minutely even on the Food that will Fill me to the brim so that I won't go eating the next piece of garbage I find on the side of the road because I am starving to death and fending for myself again...

There is a well that never runs dry... There is a river who's streams make glad the city of God...

And His Name Is Jesus.

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus... I will eat your flesh and drink your blood for you are the only one that truly satisfies...

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus... I will sit at your feet and listen while my life falls apart around me and chaos ensues to no end...

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus... I will let you undress the garments of mourning and cloth me in robes of righteousness...

Even when I'm weak, you are strong. Even when I'm tired, you are full of life. Even when I'm crumbling, you stand tall.

And I am in You. And You are in me.

We are ONE.

We are ONE.

We are ONE.

You and I together, walking hand in hand through this life, and out the door into eternity...

You and I together, facing the world and overcoming with Love and with Blood...

You and I together, standing before the Father as One Body, One Mind, One Soul, One Spirit - jumping into His lap fully accepted and enjoyed for all eternity...

This is my story... This is my song... Praising my Savior all the day long