What if I finally told you the truth?
What if I told you that all I ever wanted was for you to see inside of me and smile?
What if I told you that all the questions you've ever asked me were only just beating around the bush and that if you opened your eyes you'd see I was on fire...
What if I told you there's a competent wife and mother, friend and lover, masquerading herself as me and only when you see the real me will you know that she's not all that great after all?
What if I told you I'm weak? That I ache and I seek and often find so little relief from these demons of deceit...
What if I told you I'm trying? Trying and failing and then trying again but still the cycle continues of striving and failing and then awful self hatred's revenge?
What if I told you I'm small... Not at all the perfect doll I pretend to be in my weakest moments but merely a shadow of it all...
What if I told you I'm ok - even when I'm not I swear I'm ok! And that's the point honestly... I'm ok with my failures and flaws even if you're not and they make you uncomfortable with the reality of our brokenness...
What if I told you I'm free? Free from the chains of performance you still hold so tightly to because you think they're your only hope for love and acceptance?
What if I told you it's been one of the best decisions I've ever made to let it all hang out like a nasty menstrual rag and that that's how my God sees our self-righteous efforts anyway? Might as well just admit it already and get on to the good part...
What if I told you your expectations are a burden I'm no longer willing to bare? That this generational sin from Adam and Eve of trying to be good enough for their Father isn't something I'm gonna go for anymore...
What if I told you He already sees us as Good Enough.
What if I told you that He is drawn to our weakness? Drawn to our humility? Drawn to our desperately disturbing neediness that we can't seem to shake no matter how perfectly pedicured the outside of our tombs are?
What if I told you I'm me. That this authenticity and vulnerability is a part of who I was since birth and it's of far more worth than the offensive packaging it comes in? And if it seems a little too much for you, maybe that's because it's hit a nerve you were hoping would stay buried inside you...
What if I told you that my brokenness is my ministry? You see, the world is tired of the performers and the play-writes and God brought me onto the scene to bring some sweet relief to some heavy-burdened slave-traded babies? And I'm not about to stop this heart from bleeding all over the page because some truth-fearing Pharisees want me to clean up my act.
What if I told you you're wrong? You've bought into the siren's sweet song... And there's no pot of gold at the end of that rainbow of lies that you're chasing? It's emptiness and chasing of the wind...
What if I told you I still love you dearly? That my heart burns for connection sincerely...And although I can see clearly that this love will cost me dearly, I won't stop hugging your porcupine quills...
What if I told you that life is on the other side of your fears? That right when He should leave, He draws near? And the things you don't dare speak out into the air are the words that will matter to your story the most...
And I promise I'm finally done with my blaring bright stare at the sun... But I hope that it's burned a hole clear through your soul so there's no unlit place left to hide.
What if I told you that all the questions you've ever asked me were only just beating around the bush and that if you opened your eyes you'd see I was on fire...
What if I told you there's a competent wife and mother, friend and lover, masquerading herself as me and only when you see the real me will you know that she's not all that great after all?
What if I told you I'm weak? That I ache and I seek and often find so little relief from these demons of deceit...
What if I told you I'm trying? Trying and failing and then trying again but still the cycle continues of striving and failing and then awful self hatred's revenge?
What if I told you I'm small... Not at all the perfect doll I pretend to be in my weakest moments but merely a shadow of it all...
What if I told you I'm ok - even when I'm not I swear I'm ok! And that's the point honestly... I'm ok with my failures and flaws even if you're not and they make you uncomfortable with the reality of our brokenness...
What if I told you I'm free? Free from the chains of performance you still hold so tightly to because you think they're your only hope for love and acceptance?
What if I told you it's been one of the best decisions I've ever made to let it all hang out like a nasty menstrual rag and that that's how my God sees our self-righteous efforts anyway? Might as well just admit it already and get on to the good part...
What if I told you your expectations are a burden I'm no longer willing to bare? That this generational sin from Adam and Eve of trying to be good enough for their Father isn't something I'm gonna go for anymore...
What if I told you He already sees us as Good Enough.
What if I told you that He is drawn to our weakness? Drawn to our humility? Drawn to our desperately disturbing neediness that we can't seem to shake no matter how perfectly pedicured the outside of our tombs are?
What if I told you I'm me. That this authenticity and vulnerability is a part of who I was since birth and it's of far more worth than the offensive packaging it comes in? And if it seems a little too much for you, maybe that's because it's hit a nerve you were hoping would stay buried inside you...
What if I told you that my brokenness is my ministry? You see, the world is tired of the performers and the play-writes and God brought me onto the scene to bring some sweet relief to some heavy-burdened slave-traded babies? And I'm not about to stop this heart from bleeding all over the page because some truth-fearing Pharisees want me to clean up my act.
What if I told you you're wrong? You've bought into the siren's sweet song... And there's no pot of gold at the end of that rainbow of lies that you're chasing? It's emptiness and chasing of the wind...
What if I told you I still love you dearly? That my heart burns for connection sincerely...And although I can see clearly that this love will cost me dearly, I won't stop hugging your porcupine quills...
What if I told you that life is on the other side of your fears? That right when He should leave, He draws near? And the things you don't dare speak out into the air are the words that will matter to your story the most...
And I promise I'm finally done with my blaring bright stare at the sun... But I hope that it's burned a hole clear through your soul so there's no unlit place left to hide.
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