The Giant of Comfort
I grew up hearing stories of the missionaries and martyrs of our faith and longing to be like them.
I would hear stories of Christians who suffered through the unthinkable for the sake of Jesus and His Gospel and my heart skipped a beat thinking about whether I would be worthy to follow in their footsteps.
A lot of this was vain conceit and evil ambition... I wanted stories written about my life. I wanted my name to go down in history as one of those "super Christians" and to be honored for suffering for Christ.
Which, of course, isn't why any one of those Christians were able to endure the suffering they lived through and still be able to say that Jesus was worthy of it all... They weren't motivated by selfish ambitions or vain conceit.
They were motivated by the love of their Savior and they were willing to say "yes" to Him no matter the cost because they had caught a glimpse of His matchless beauty.
I want to be like them. I want my heart to burn with an unquenchable fire that the world cannot put out. I yearn for this... except when I don't.
Except when my heart has grown lazy and numb to the whispers of the Sweet Spirit.
Except when I have allowed the pleasures of this world and the worries of life choke out my small seed of faith and love.
Except when it is messy and inconvenient to love Him.
When I became a teenager and actually started following Jesus for myself - and I fell in love with Him for the first time since I was a small girl - I knew that I was called to the mission field.
I knew this because I knew that I wanted to follow Jesus 1,000% and that was the way I had always heard you should do it (missionaries were like at the top of the "Christian pyramid" as far as I knew and I wanted to be at the top of course...). And I also knew that I didn't like the Christianity that I saw surrounding me in America...
It was lifeless and cold and numb and I wanted to get as far away from American Christianity as I possibly could as soon as I possibly could.
I didn't want this place to kill the seed in my soul.
Welp, I'm obviously not a missionary... I'm a stay at home youth pastor's wife who's working on her first music album... So, what the heck happened??? Did I sell out and give into the lure of American Christianity? Or did I follow Jesus straight into the very last place I ever wanted to go - motherhood and marriage and the American church??
On a bad day, I'm honestly not sure. I ask myself, "Did I choose the 'easier path' by marrying Josh? Did I wimp out right at the last minute and settle for a bland version of Christianity that I so despised growing up? The kind that is comfortable and safe and oh so dead and empty inside...?"
But, no. On a good day I remember that God has led me every step of the way here. He's the one who led me to Josh. He's the one who open my eyes to the calling of worship and music He put into my heart. He's the one who showed me that He wanted to use me to free people from the chains of religion in America. He's the one who gave me the joy of being a mother to a beautiful little boy. And He's the one who led us to this incredible church we are a part of now.
And He's the one I'm placing my full faith in to sustain my faith, even here in the middle of faithless America - Babylon, the woman who has spread her lewd corruption across the globe.
It really isn't easy staying true to Christ here in the middle of America.
There is a spiritual blanket of delusion, pleasure, corruption, and immorality over our land that most of us grew up under to the point that we barely even know it's there.
But we are also America the Beautiful - although we are filled with flaws, brokenness, and evil, we are so loved by the Father. And that is why I am thankful to be here, in the last place I ever wanted to be, doing the last thing I ever wanted to be doing... ministering in the American church.
Because I believe that God isn't finished with us yet - passive, luke-warm, and comfortable as we are.
I don't believe God is done with me yet - passive, luke-warm, and comfortable as I am.
We are currently going through a study in our church small group called "Goliath Must Fall". And one of the "giants" we are going to be studying is "comfort" - the giant that lulls us into a passive sleep and keeps us from living the full, vibrant, wildly courageous life that the Spirit wants to lead each of us into.
And I'm declaring over myself and my family that the giant of comfort will fall in Jesus name in our lives. We won't live passive, half-committed lives anymore - waiting for someone else to lead the charge before we jump all in.
No. We will live alive and on blazing hot fire for Jesus if it costs us everything.
Jesus, only You have the power to raise dead man's bones and create an army of living warriors from them. Do what only you can do in my dead and dying heart.
Set me ablaze again with a passion for you that annoys and disrupts and shatters.
Break me down to the point that I will say no to absolutely nothing that you ask of me, regardless of the consequences to my life, my bank account, or my reputation and name.
I am all in Lord, help my passivity.
I believe Lord, help my unbelief.
I would hear stories of Christians who suffered through the unthinkable for the sake of Jesus and His Gospel and my heart skipped a beat thinking about whether I would be worthy to follow in their footsteps.
A lot of this was vain conceit and evil ambition... I wanted stories written about my life. I wanted my name to go down in history as one of those "super Christians" and to be honored for suffering for Christ.
Which, of course, isn't why any one of those Christians were able to endure the suffering they lived through and still be able to say that Jesus was worthy of it all... They weren't motivated by selfish ambitions or vain conceit.
They were motivated by the love of their Savior and they were willing to say "yes" to Him no matter the cost because they had caught a glimpse of His matchless beauty.
I want to be like them. I want my heart to burn with an unquenchable fire that the world cannot put out. I yearn for this... except when I don't.
Except when my heart has grown lazy and numb to the whispers of the Sweet Spirit.
Except when I have allowed the pleasures of this world and the worries of life choke out my small seed of faith and love.
Except when it is messy and inconvenient to love Him.
When I became a teenager and actually started following Jesus for myself - and I fell in love with Him for the first time since I was a small girl - I knew that I was called to the mission field.
I knew this because I knew that I wanted to follow Jesus 1,000% and that was the way I had always heard you should do it (missionaries were like at the top of the "Christian pyramid" as far as I knew and I wanted to be at the top of course...). And I also knew that I didn't like the Christianity that I saw surrounding me in America...
It was lifeless and cold and numb and I wanted to get as far away from American Christianity as I possibly could as soon as I possibly could.
I didn't want this place to kill the seed in my soul.
Welp, I'm obviously not a missionary... I'm a stay at home youth pastor's wife who's working on her first music album... So, what the heck happened??? Did I sell out and give into the lure of American Christianity? Or did I follow Jesus straight into the very last place I ever wanted to go - motherhood and marriage and the American church??
On a bad day, I'm honestly not sure. I ask myself, "Did I choose the 'easier path' by marrying Josh? Did I wimp out right at the last minute and settle for a bland version of Christianity that I so despised growing up? The kind that is comfortable and safe and oh so dead and empty inside...?"
But, no. On a good day I remember that God has led me every step of the way here. He's the one who led me to Josh. He's the one who open my eyes to the calling of worship and music He put into my heart. He's the one who showed me that He wanted to use me to free people from the chains of religion in America. He's the one who gave me the joy of being a mother to a beautiful little boy. And He's the one who led us to this incredible church we are a part of now.
And He's the one I'm placing my full faith in to sustain my faith, even here in the middle of faithless America - Babylon, the woman who has spread her lewd corruption across the globe.
It really isn't easy staying true to Christ here in the middle of America.
There is a spiritual blanket of delusion, pleasure, corruption, and immorality over our land that most of us grew up under to the point that we barely even know it's there.
But we are also America the Beautiful - although we are filled with flaws, brokenness, and evil, we are so loved by the Father. And that is why I am thankful to be here, in the last place I ever wanted to be, doing the last thing I ever wanted to be doing... ministering in the American church.
Because I believe that God isn't finished with us yet - passive, luke-warm, and comfortable as we are.
I don't believe God is done with me yet - passive, luke-warm, and comfortable as I am.
We are currently going through a study in our church small group called "Goliath Must Fall". And one of the "giants" we are going to be studying is "comfort" - the giant that lulls us into a passive sleep and keeps us from living the full, vibrant, wildly courageous life that the Spirit wants to lead each of us into.
And I'm declaring over myself and my family that the giant of comfort will fall in Jesus name in our lives. We won't live passive, half-committed lives anymore - waiting for someone else to lead the charge before we jump all in.
No. We will live alive and on blazing hot fire for Jesus if it costs us everything.
Jesus, only You have the power to raise dead man's bones and create an army of living warriors from them. Do what only you can do in my dead and dying heart.
Set me ablaze again with a passion for you that annoys and disrupts and shatters.
Break me down to the point that I will say no to absolutely nothing that you ask of me, regardless of the consequences to my life, my bank account, or my reputation and name.
I am all in Lord, help my passivity.
I believe Lord, help my unbelief.
♡
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