Eternity in the Finite

In case you're just joining me on this journey, I am working to write 24 minutes of the most honest words I can every day of my 24th year of life. I have not and will not do this perfectly. But my goal is to continue anyway, no matter how many times I fail. That is all and that is success. Thank you for hearing my story. I would love to hear yours.

I'm so tired today... I feel like I've been whipping myself like a pack mule, all the while yelling, "Come on!!! Get going!! There's no time to rest!! Success is a completed to do list!!!"

And I felt like my heart was telling me this morning, "... I just wanna take a nap... I'm tired..."

And when I'm tired, I get sad. And depressed.

I forget that I am three in one... Body, soul, and spirit. And that if my body isn't rested and healthy and cared for, my soul will shrivel up and my spirit won't be as easily accessible or heard. 

Life is like an inside out reality... The real me is somewhere deep down inside in my spirit - connected to Jesus and to the Father in Heaven by a line of the Holy Spirit... That is my deepest, truest reality right now. 

My spirit is currently seated in Heaven with the Father.

But my body is here on this earth, like a seed that holds all the creative power in the universe, if only I knew how to access it. 

And my body is also finite. It has limited power. Limited time. Limited energy. 

So my life is a dance between these two realities, with my soul in the middle, trying to make sense of these two very different paradigms... 

And part of doing this life well is learning to honor the limitations God has placed on this human body I'm living in. He chose to encase all His glory in this weak and needy body and that is for a reason. I may not understand why He didn't create me without the need for sleep or food or rest or encouragement and I may wish some days to be superhuman - like superwoman without flaws or weaknesses. 

But I am still me - spirit, soul, and body all wrapped up together in one being. 

I watched a short YouTube video yesterday about a celebrity (I honestly can't remember his name right now) who said that he has learned that he is not a body with consciousness but he is, instead, consciousness wrapped up inside a body... That he is not a finite being who will die and be no more, but he is eternal and will exist even after his body dies and is buried in the ground. 

His beliefs at this point veered off into something more New Age than I am willing to go - mostly because it doesn't paint the full-color picture of reality that I experience everyday but a more idealized version of it where there isn't any evil (suffering is only an "illusion in our minds"... I'm not buyin it..). Oh, and because we are not all God... Forgot that little detail lol. 

Anyways, all that to say, he was right in one regard. We are not just bodies with consciousness. We are truly consciousness (or "spirits") inhabiting temporary bodies in a temporary existence on a temporary earth for a temporary age of eternal history. 

And for some reason, in this currently state of existence, God decided in His infinite wisdom to place our eternal spirits into finite bodies that poop and pee and need food and clothing and shelter and rest and comfort and healing and seemingly endless other needs that we find ourselves searching for day to day...

And it is our responsibility to steward these bodies (and souls for that matter) in such a way that they are cared for and honored and given the best chance to live in awareness and connection with the Holy Spirit within us (if we have surrendered to Jesus, the Light). 

And, so, here I am. Remembering again that I cannot just drive my body into the ground with endless expectations and demands. I must learn to live within the boundaries that my physical body allows - learning to trust that, even in my limited state, God is still unlimited within me. 

And in my finite weakness, His strength is only magnified a billion fold.