That Is Enough

I wrote a whole post two days ago that was supposed to be day 23 instead of this one. But when I went to post it, the whole thing deleted.

That's the thing about doing things that really matter. It's hard sometimes.

And sometimes everything you worked for goes up in flames the minute it is ready to soar.

Because in this world of demons and angels - light and darkness - good and evil... There is great pain in giving birth to life and there is sweat and effort required in bringing beauty to light.

But even though I know this, I still got mad and gave up. I had poured my heart and soul out onto the page and now not a single other soul will read it... That's a hard pill to swallow. That a piece of my heart is floating somewhere on the interwebs - never to be seen again.

But I felt like Jesus was reminding me - it's not about the end result... It's about the journey. It's about doing the things that matter anyway, even if nobody cares and nobody sees but Him.

It's about engaging my heart with His heart and letting the sparks fly off into the world - setting dead timbers ablaze with beautiful reality.

No one will ever read "Immanuel", at least not that version of it. And that's ok. Jesus is still with me in the struggle of life and the suffering and pain, regardless of whether I have a tangible poem to remind me of it.

I'm sure He can relate better than anybody to aborted dreams and half finished destinies... He's been watching His world burn for centuries and aching with the brokenness of it all. He's watched precious ones turn and walk themselves so far away from Him that they've made their bed in hell.

That's got to be far worse that having a little poem - 30 minutes in the making - disappear with one glitch of the computer screen...

And so here I am again... Surrendering to the reality that life will never be perfect. My goals will never be 100% attained and I won't always keep my own promises. And even when I actually do sing every note perfectly, life might just stare and boo me off the stage.

And that's ok. Because these setbacks - both small and great - will only strengthen our resolve to run this race till our last breath... Sprinting and crawling our way to the finish line with everything we've got.

The circumstances will rarely be on our side. But our Daddy in Heaven is. And His muscles are pretty dang big.

Mother Theresa wrote a poem that sums it all up perfectly.

"People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway."

Yep... That's about all there is to it. It's not about anybody else at the end of the day - it's always just between me and my Father. And He read "Immanuel" two days ago. He saw that small victory in secret that nobody else will ever read - where I was honest and raw and real and said what I really felt regardless of how it sounded. 

And that's enough. I am enough. 

Even when I don't write everyday - I am enough. 

Even when I pretend to tell the truth when I'm actually only masquerading - I am enough. 

Even when I don't make any sense what-so-ever - I am enough. 

Even when I let everybody down - I am enough. 

Even when the world digs its feet in against me - I am enough. 

Even when I fall apart in front of everybody - I am enough. 

And so are you. So are we all. Our Daddy is the only one who's opinion of us really ever mattered anyway and He's been thrilled with us since day one. He's still thrilled with us. And there's nothing we can do to change that. 

That how Mother Theresa could live her whole life misunderstood and how she could write that beautiful poem and really mean it - in the end she was only living for one set of eyes and they were filled with wonder and awe no matter how well she did. 

All that really matters is our "yes". And whether that "yes" to Jesus brings fruit and abundance in this life or only in the next, and whether that "yes" changes lives now or in eternity, we don't need to know and we don't need to worry. 

In the end only He knows what success looks like. Only He can judge. And in the mean time, all we need to do is trust that, when we give it our all and it still wasn't enough... When we've poured out heart into something that goes up in flames... He still saw it all. And even if it never came to fruition here, it did there - 

In His heart. 

And that is enough.