You Have My Heart - No Matter the Cost

I am learning to cultivate a heart of devotion only to the Lord.

And I am finding that he is asking me to give him even the deepest parts of me - even the most sacred things in my heart.

He never forces me to say Yes to him. He is too good for that. But he does stand and wait to see how far I will go to love him. He does wait in expectation to see whether or not I will deny him and choose an idol (no matter how small or great) or if I will give everything up for the chance to simply turn and see him smile in joy. 

Yes, Lord. You have my heart. You have the full Yes of my heart - show me what more you want me to give up in order to follow you. Show me the depths of the joy of sharing in the suffering of Jesus. Show me how I can say Yes to you even in my weakness and my fears. 

You know how small my faith is and you know how great the dangers around me look to my eyes. You know how fear is ever trying to choke out the beauty of your face from my heart and how it tries and sometimes succeeds to twist and contort your lovely image into something to be feared. 

You know how prone to drawing back I am. You know how very, very, very small this Yes in my heart is to you - but you also know it is growing. You also know what is means that I have given you even this smallest of things. You know what great a gift this small Yes is and I know you are more than pleased by it. 

I will follow you Jesus. Even if you lead me through fire and disease and terror and death itself! 

Because you know that I must have you. I cannot live without you Jesus. I could never leave you now that I've known the joys of having you look with pleasure on my small frame. 

Thank you that you do not despise me in my weakness. Thank you Jesus that you know the heaviness of this flesh that I'm stuck in and you know that even the smallest victories are won by great effort. 

You know my heart Jesus and you know that it is always and ever and only a Yes to you.

May you alone God, be glorified in my life. I am saying, with even the little strength and even filled with all these horrible doubts and fears, that you are worth it all. That however great the terror and however great the death, that You Jesus, are worth it. 

Just to see your face and to touch your heart and to put pleasure in your heart - all is worth it. 

But you know that I am but dust. You know that the only way I can even say this to you is because you are saying it through me - praise you Holy Spirit for drawing me into such a wondrous romance as this. Praise you Father for adopting me into your Beloved! Praise you Jesus for paying the ransom of highest cost to redeem the wretch that I was. Praise you Holy Spirit for giving me all the strength I have and all the love in this heart. 

I am yours alone, Jesus. Teach me to count the cost as nothing compared to your love and your glory.