Loneliness
Loneliness is driving me crazy.
I feel as if I've set sail, all alone, into an endless sea of loneliness that I'll never get to the end of. This looked like an adventure when I began, but it's turned into a journey of quiet solitude.
Quiet, quiet, quiet solitude.
And it's driving me crazy.
The boat rocks back and forth and up and down and day after day I'm farther from shore. But where am I going?
On an adventure of course. A thrilling adventure for one.
The thrill is gone. And I'd rather be back home in bed.
I'd rather wake up across from my sister or roommate or anyone at all. Instead of waking up alone.
No, I'm not literally alone. But my soul is alone.
And it's funny how talking to people who don't understand makes you even lonelier.
And I'm sitting here, in an empty house, and I'm tired of it.
I just want to sit in my mom's room and talk to her. Or mess with my sister just to make her laugh. Or even to ask my brother how he's doing, even though I already know all he'll say is, "good".
I want to go on an adventure in the forest with my girls. I want to sit on the floor with them and tell them how I'm feeling. How my heart is aching. I want to sit in the cafeteria and make snide comments that I really shouldn't be making about the crazy people outside doing who knows what. Ugh, I just want to be known and understood and not have to explain ever again where I came from and where I'm going.
But I'm not promised these things. God has never promised me that I will ever again be understood or that I will ever be able to share an adventure with people who are following Christ on the same path that I am.
Jesus has just said, "Come and follow me". Just drop everything and follow.
And although I know that He is the only companion I will ever need, I don't feel that right now.
But who cares.
I'm sure Jesus was lonely too.
It's been a couple months since I've written this and I have come to the conclusion that the only time Jesus experienced loneliness was on the cross - when he and the Father were separated for the fist time in all of eternity. The rest of His life, Jesus was with the Father at all times. And he has begun to show me that if I will let him, he will walk with me through each day, just as the Father walked through each day with him.
He says to all who are weary and heavy laden, "Come." He longs to take the heavy burdens of loneliness and fear and doubt off of our tired shoulders and give us rest - deep, deep rest that the world does not understand and cannot give.
I have finally reached the other side of that deep, dark loneliness that covered me for so long. And it was Jesus who brought me out.
He knows far better than even we do what loneliness is like. He cried to his father on the cross, "Why have you forsaken me?!" That is the cry of an abandoned heart. Trust me friend, He knows your pain. You can trust him to bear it for you. You can trust Him to heal your broken, lonely heart.
I know, because this is want he has done in me.
I feel as if I've set sail, all alone, into an endless sea of loneliness that I'll never get to the end of. This looked like an adventure when I began, but it's turned into a journey of quiet solitude.
Quiet, quiet, quiet solitude.
And it's driving me crazy.
The boat rocks back and forth and up and down and day after day I'm farther from shore. But where am I going?
On an adventure of course. A thrilling adventure for one.
The thrill is gone. And I'd rather be back home in bed.
I'd rather wake up across from my sister or roommate or anyone at all. Instead of waking up alone.
No, I'm not literally alone. But my soul is alone.
And it's funny how talking to people who don't understand makes you even lonelier.
And I'm sitting here, in an empty house, and I'm tired of it.
I just want to sit in my mom's room and talk to her. Or mess with my sister just to make her laugh. Or even to ask my brother how he's doing, even though I already know all he'll say is, "good".
I want to go on an adventure in the forest with my girls. I want to sit on the floor with them and tell them how I'm feeling. How my heart is aching. I want to sit in the cafeteria and make snide comments that I really shouldn't be making about the crazy people outside doing who knows what. Ugh, I just want to be known and understood and not have to explain ever again where I came from and where I'm going.
But I'm not promised these things. God has never promised me that I will ever again be understood or that I will ever be able to share an adventure with people who are following Christ on the same path that I am.
Jesus has just said, "Come and follow me". Just drop everything and follow.
And although I know that He is the only companion I will ever need, I don't feel that right now.
But who cares.
I'm sure Jesus was lonely too.
It's been a couple months since I've written this and I have come to the conclusion that the only time Jesus experienced loneliness was on the cross - when he and the Father were separated for the fist time in all of eternity. The rest of His life, Jesus was with the Father at all times. And he has begun to show me that if I will let him, he will walk with me through each day, just as the Father walked through each day with him.
He says to all who are weary and heavy laden, "Come." He longs to take the heavy burdens of loneliness and fear and doubt off of our tired shoulders and give us rest - deep, deep rest that the world does not understand and cannot give.
I have finally reached the other side of that deep, dark loneliness that covered me for so long. And it was Jesus who brought me out.
He knows far better than even we do what loneliness is like. He cried to his father on the cross, "Why have you forsaken me?!" That is the cry of an abandoned heart. Trust me friend, He knows your pain. You can trust him to bear it for you. You can trust Him to heal your broken, lonely heart.
I know, because this is want he has done in me.
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