Life in between: "Who I Was, let me introduce you to Who I AM"
This will be short - because I'm exhausted and sick and ready for bed. But I also need to write.
Today I realized how hard it will be living in the in-between.
Between who I was and who I am.
And who I am becoming.
It's weird to me how my battle with IDENTITY always seems to come up over and over and over again. But here it is again, like it never left.
I think it's because I'm right back in the middle of the scene of the crime. I'm right back here in the dirty mess of it all.
Right here in the very place I learned to love my God and to follow Him fully. And where I learned that my IDENTITY was really just HIM. Not me, but Him.
And after all these years since then, and all the new places and people and lessons, I have learned this lesson deeper and deeper - or so I hope.
And I almost forgot what it was like to be pinned down by that ugly beast - IDENTITY - and to feel him breathing hard down my neck. I almost forgot.
But now, like he never left, he is back again.
Because I am back again.
Back to the place where we fought hard and he almost won - almost - but then HE won.
Back to the place where I was rescued and made new - and IDENTITY was replaced with HIM.
(And the HIM is of course - YAHWEH. The Great I AM. The one who simply IS. The ONE who has never had an IDENTITY crisis.)
And so, here I am again. Battling with "Who am I?"
But this time the battle is not so strong as it was before. Because IDENTITY will never be as strong as YAHWEH. I AM. Because the question, "Who am I?" will never be asked by the ONE who IS.
Because He knows.
And the ONE who knows who HE IS, keeps whispering to me who I am.
And I remember that I'm not that girl anymore.
The ONE who IS has made me new.
And I just want to be like HIM.
"He must become greater. I must become less."
Today I realized how hard it will be living in the in-between.
Between who I was and who I am.
And who I am becoming.
It's weird to me how my battle with IDENTITY always seems to come up over and over and over again. But here it is again, like it never left.
I think it's because I'm right back in the middle of the scene of the crime. I'm right back here in the dirty mess of it all.
Right here in the very place I learned to love my God and to follow Him fully. And where I learned that my IDENTITY was really just HIM. Not me, but Him.
And after all these years since then, and all the new places and people and lessons, I have learned this lesson deeper and deeper - or so I hope.
And I almost forgot what it was like to be pinned down by that ugly beast - IDENTITY - and to feel him breathing hard down my neck. I almost forgot.
But now, like he never left, he is back again.
Because I am back again.
Back to the place where we fought hard and he almost won - almost - but then HE won.
Back to the place where I was rescued and made new - and IDENTITY was replaced with HIM.
(And the HIM is of course - YAHWEH. The Great I AM. The one who simply IS. The ONE who has never had an IDENTITY crisis.)
And so, here I am again. Battling with "Who am I?"
But this time the battle is not so strong as it was before. Because IDENTITY will never be as strong as YAHWEH. I AM. Because the question, "Who am I?" will never be asked by the ONE who IS.
Because He knows.
And the ONE who knows who HE IS, keeps whispering to me who I am.
And I remember that I'm not that girl anymore.
The ONE who IS has made me new.
And I just want to be like HIM.
"He must become greater. I must become less."
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