Dear God,
Why do things have to change? Change is so painful and uncertain and heartbreaking. I don't get it. Why does my life have to be so crazy all the time?
Oh, I know...You're right. I do know why things have to change. Things change because that's just life and because You love to use these changes and experiences to grow us stronger in You. Yah, yah, yah, I've heard all that before. But I don't like it.
I don't like having to be uncomfortable. I don't like having to say goodbye. I just can't take this anymore. Life is just too hard God. It's just too much for me to handle. I'm being crushed under all this weight.
Yes, yes, I know You're here with me and that You will never leave me or forsake me. I know You care for me and have great plans for my future. I know all that stuff. But I'm tired. I can't do this anymore. I just feel like lying down and giving up. Just let me rest for a moment. Let me take a break. I just need time stop for awhile.
Huh? Why can't I stop? Why can't I just quit for awhile? Why are You always pushing me so hard? Ugh! Just leave me alone! I don't want to hear You right now. I don't want to listen to You telling me to be strong and to trust You. I don't want to listen to You telling me it'll be ok. Can't You see I'm lost! I don't know who I am! I don't know where to go and where to turn. I'm suffocating and I don't even know how to breathe anymore.
Trust You? Ok, what else? ...Trust You... That's all isn't it. I'm supposed to just let it all go aren't I? You just want me to obey You and give up all my worries and pain and fear and doubt don't You? You just want me to leave them right here with You, don't You?
Oh God, I'm so weak... I'm so broken and frail. If I give all this up I'll have nothing left. I'll have no control and no hold on my life. There will be nothing left.
"Yes", You say? You want it all? Even all this terrible emptiness and loneliness and fear? You really want all that too? Seriously? Like, are You joking right now? How could You possible want all that from me?
To carry it for me? To be my everything? To free me and give me life and hope and peace? That does sound pretty good. ...And I don't think I really have a choice do I? I mean, I can hardly take another step.
Here it is then, God. You can have it all. You can have the worry and the pain and the fear and the guilt and the pride and the shame and everything else. You can have it all. It's Yours to take. Go ahead and start cutting it all away. It's all so tightly woven around my heart and soul and mind, but I know You can get it off. You are the master artist here after all. I'll leave it to You to rid me of anything that is not beautiful and pure.
Will it hurt? Yah, I thought maybe... But You'll be gentle wont You? I don't know how much more pain I can take.
Alright then God. I trust You. Of course I trust You. You are my good and loving Father. I know You won't hurt me unless there is much to be gained from it. I know that You are for me, and that You love me, and that You long to set me free from all my pain. I know You will use tender, loving hands to remove all of this.
So go ahead God. Take it all away. I'll try to hold still while You work and to let You take care of everything. But if I cry out, I know You will comfort me. I know You will answer my calls.
Because You love me.
Love, Your Child
"He is like a father to us, tender and sympathetic to those who reverence him. For he knows we are but dust, and that our days are few and brief, like grass, like flowers, blown by the wind and gone forever"
Psalm 103:13-15
Oh, I know...You're right. I do know why things have to change. Things change because that's just life and because You love to use these changes and experiences to grow us stronger in You. Yah, yah, yah, I've heard all that before. But I don't like it.
I don't like having to be uncomfortable. I don't like having to say goodbye. I just can't take this anymore. Life is just too hard God. It's just too much for me to handle. I'm being crushed under all this weight.
Yes, yes, I know You're here with me and that You will never leave me or forsake me. I know You care for me and have great plans for my future. I know all that stuff. But I'm tired. I can't do this anymore. I just feel like lying down and giving up. Just let me rest for a moment. Let me take a break. I just need time stop for awhile.
Huh? Why can't I stop? Why can't I just quit for awhile? Why are You always pushing me so hard? Ugh! Just leave me alone! I don't want to hear You right now. I don't want to listen to You telling me to be strong and to trust You. I don't want to listen to You telling me it'll be ok. Can't You see I'm lost! I don't know who I am! I don't know where to go and where to turn. I'm suffocating and I don't even know how to breathe anymore.
Trust You? Ok, what else? ...Trust You... That's all isn't it. I'm supposed to just let it all go aren't I? You just want me to obey You and give up all my worries and pain and fear and doubt don't You? You just want me to leave them right here with You, don't You?
Oh God, I'm so weak... I'm so broken and frail. If I give all this up I'll have nothing left. I'll have no control and no hold on my life. There will be nothing left.
"Yes", You say? You want it all? Even all this terrible emptiness and loneliness and fear? You really want all that too? Seriously? Like, are You joking right now? How could You possible want all that from me?
To carry it for me? To be my everything? To free me and give me life and hope and peace? That does sound pretty good. ...And I don't think I really have a choice do I? I mean, I can hardly take another step.
Here it is then, God. You can have it all. You can have the worry and the pain and the fear and the guilt and the pride and the shame and everything else. You can have it all. It's Yours to take. Go ahead and start cutting it all away. It's all so tightly woven around my heart and soul and mind, but I know You can get it off. You are the master artist here after all. I'll leave it to You to rid me of anything that is not beautiful and pure.
Will it hurt? Yah, I thought maybe... But You'll be gentle wont You? I don't know how much more pain I can take.
Alright then God. I trust You. Of course I trust You. You are my good and loving Father. I know You won't hurt me unless there is much to be gained from it. I know that You are for me, and that You love me, and that You long to set me free from all my pain. I know You will use tender, loving hands to remove all of this.
So go ahead God. Take it all away. I'll try to hold still while You work and to let You take care of everything. But if I cry out, I know You will comfort me. I know You will answer my calls.
Because You love me.
Love, Your Child
"He is like a father to us, tender and sympathetic to those who reverence him. For he knows we are but dust, and that our days are few and brief, like grass, like flowers, blown by the wind and gone forever"
Psalm 103:13-15
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