Blood, Sweat, and Tears (Part 2)

State finals.  Let's see here, where should I begin...? How about that morning. That seems a good place to start. :)

I woke up the morning of state finals refreshed and so content with life.  After all that God had done for me the night before at prelims, I had no doubt in my mind that He would walk with me through this day as well.  No matter what happens. 

I admit, I was a little nervous with apprehension, but, beneath all the butterflies, I was at peace. 

I looked at my journal for that morning (yah, I keep a journal haha) and here's what I wrote as I prepared my heart for that day:

"God, I am a little bit nervous about today.  I feel like there are lots of expectations on me to do very well and I know that I could never meet these expectations on my own.  Honestly, me even getting to this point was an amazing miracle in and of its own. You are Incredible and Gracious and Loving to give me such an astounding gift from you.  Wow God! I do not deserve this love from You! You are Holy and Perfect and Huge! Give me peace, dear Jesus, to face this incredible day and let me overflow with joy today!  Give me an abundance of joy as I serve myself as a living sacrifice to you!"

And He told me, "I am holding your right hand.  I guide you with my counsel, and afterward I will take you into Glory."

So I resolved that no matter what the outcome of the day, it would be my sacrifice of praise to God.


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Finals had a totally different feel to it than the day before.  You could feel the energy in the air.  There were people filming the meet for live television, and the fastest heat of every race walked out to music that fastest seeded person picked.  And there were definitely lots of nerves.

But when it came time to swim my 200 freestyle at the beginning of the meet, I prayed all the way to the blocks.  And when I stepped up to swim.  And when I dove in for the start.  Just praying, praying, praying. "God, here I am! Take everything I'm about to give you as an offering of worship to You!"

The first 100 went just like the day before.  I was going strong and keeping up with the faster girls next to me. But then something happened.  My muscles tightened and, no matter what I tried, I couldn't go faster.  In fact I started going slower. 

I began to fall back and the girl in the lane next to me, who I'd been leading by a few seconds began to catch up to me. I honestly started to panic a little, but I just started to pray again.  "God, I'm doing everything I can! Let me praise You, no matter what happens!  Help me!"

I gave everything I had left, but the girl next to me out touched me by tenths of a second.  I finished in 6th place, dropping three spots from the 3rd place I'd gone into the race with.  Part of me was devastated. And embarrassed. What was God doing?  What hadn't He helped me like He had the day before?  What did I do wrong?

I looked up to the stands and saw my mom and dad at the very top. My mom looked like she wanted to rush down and hug me right then and there, she was so proud.  And my dad was smiling and nodding, pointing up to the sky with both hands.  "All the glory to Him, Bekah.  All to Him."

And I knew they were right.  I mean, I had just gotten 6th out of the entire state of Oklahoma, right?  But I felt abandoned.  Had God been there for me?  I knew He had, but why had He let my muscles cramp, and my energy run out?  Why?  I had given it all to Him hadn't I?  I mean, what could I have possibly done wrong?

"Rebekah, you told Me you would give me everything.  That you were laying down all that you had on the alter and giving it all to me.  That means I get everything.  Even your Pride."

Wow! I wanted to laugh it was so funny. You know God really does have a sense of humor.  All that time I was telling God that I was willing to sacrifice everything to Him.  But what I really meant was that He could have all my efforts.  All the pain.  All the blood, sweat, and tears.  But I was holding back my pride for myself.  "God, here's all my efforts as a sacrifice to You, but just make sure You hold up Your half of the bargain.  I have my reputation to uphold You know."

So He took me at my word, and took all of me.  All my grand dreams of success.  All my pride-filled and selfish desires.  And He sacrificed them to Himself as an offering of praise. There are just some lessons that success could never teach. 


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My 100 freestyle and 200 freestyle relay went just about the same way.  Even though I knew after my first race that God wanted my pride, part of me just couldn't let go of my desires for success. I wanted to win. But God still wanted my pride.

So I went from 5th in the 100 freestyle to 7th.  And our relay missed getting the gold that we all wanted, and we got second instead.  I was sad and confused, yet slightly happy at the same time.  I knew that I had nothing to be sad about. I mean, 2nd, 6th, and 7th at state was not something to whine about! Right?! 


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As me and the other girls lined up for our last relay, we were all a little sad.  None of us had won an event yet, and we just hadn't been swimming like we'd wanted to that day.  But as we walked around the pool to our song (we got to pick the music because we were the fastest relay going into finals), we were ready to win.  And I was just praying with all I had that I would be able to do my best for God and for my girls.  I didn't want to let them down.

And God, in all His loving mercies, gave us the win.  By only tenth of a second I might add.  He was gracious to my selfish heart and He allowed my dreams to be fulfilled in that last and final race of my entire swimming career.  He is so good!  And, that time, I knew down to the depth of my soul, that He had given us that victory.  And all the glory was His and His alone. 

But not only that.  When we ran over to our coaches, and our team cheered and hugged us, we found out that we had broken the high school state record in that relay.  And in allowing us to do so, God fulfilled a dream I'd had four years before.  To break a high school state record at my old school in San Antonio.  It was as if He was saying, "Commit your ways to me, and I will give you the desires of  your heart."


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There's still so many things I believe God began teaching me that day.  Lessons I may never fully learn until years from now.  I mean this is some deep stuff, let me tell ya.  But, for now, I have a much bigger view of God and what He wants from me.  And that is Everything.  He wants it all.  He wants the parts of me that I don't even realize I'm holding back from Him.  And all the things I'm purposefully keeping to myself.

And trust me...I've still got a lot to learn.  But I have a loving and gentle teacher.  He may put me through the fire, but He will never let me burn beyond what I can handle.  He is good.  And He is with me. :)